As a sixteen-year-old, I dyed my hair a different color every couple of months until my hair was dry and splitting. Within a year, I'd also been to the hairdresser so many times that my hair was down to one-inch in length and had nowhere left to go. I was forced to grow it out again which was a miserable waiting period requiring globs of styling gel to tame my hair during those various "inbetween" phases of length. At one inbetween phase, when my hair wasn't quite long enough to tuck behind my ears, I was so self-conscious of the "wings" that I moussed my hair stiff each morning and wore a skinny metal headband that gave me headaches. (Wind was my arch enemy at this time.) I was extremely envious of anyone with hair long enough to pull back into a ponytail (never mind that my hair had been that long before I chopped it all off) and I also despised the pretty girls who looked so cute with their hair as short as mine. Even though I had the same haircut as many of the popular girls, I didn't have their porcelian skin and big doe eyes (at least, that's how I saw them). I never saw my smile when I looked in a mirror, only the blemishes; never my blue eyes, only my big nose. I was consumed with negatives.

I remember one day in particular because while I was walking home from school with a guy friend, he reached out in the middle of a random conversation and yanked the flimsy metal band from my head, flinging it to the pavement. I stopped and gaped at him. In evident frustration he said: "I just wish you would let your hair loose for once!"

I ditched the headband from that day forward and resigned myself to accepting my hair the way it was, wings and all. A couple of weeks later, when I was no longer wearing hair gel and my hair was happily wind-ruffled, this same guy said to me, "Do you have any idea how [attractive] you are?" I didn't. Not at all. Now, this guy wasn't my boyfriend and we never dated or anything like that, we were just friends, but of all the guys I've known (aside from my wonderful husband), he inadvertently impacted my self-image in the most positive ways through an insight I don't think he realized he had. Later that same year, when I was grumbling about my weight (I wasn't overweight at this time, having lost 50 lbs a year prior, but I still didn't think I was thin enough), he again got angry with me and said, "No guy wants to cuddle a bag of bones!" I reminded myself of that comment for many years to come whenever I got to fretting over my hips and thighs (we ladies always seem to think we're bigger than we actually are).

Now, all this is not to suggest that we shouldn't dye our hair or change our hairdo from time to time. Change can be a lot of fun. And finding a hairdo that matches our unique personalities can be quite complimentary. Any time I've had a hairdo that doesn't match my personality, I've felt like a fish out of water. It's the same deal with clothes. The problem was, I wasn't happy with my appearance and was trying one superficial thing after another in the hopes of finding a look I'd be satisfied with: I never was. When my hair was long I wanted it short, when it was short, I wanted it long. When it was black, I wanted it red and when it was red, I wanted it blond. I was so preoccupied with my physical appearance that it'd become an obsession. I had a false idol in my life: the salon gods. In retrospect, though I despised my looks at the time, I was actually just as vain as those snobby girls who thought they were superior to everyone else.

So, in closing, here's a little something to consider:

1 Corinthians 11: 14-15 says, "Does not the very nature of things teach you . . . that if a woman has long hair, it is her glory?"

There is something interesting and lovely about long, natural hair. It has a feminine quality to it which can be quite becoming. For example, we don't often see older women with long hair, but every once in a blue moon, I spot an elderly woman with long white tresses that are just absolutely stunning. She stands out in a crowd.

Remember: "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight."  (1 Peter 3:3-4)

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(c) 2008 Bekah Ferguson 

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