Hey Dad, Let's Talk 2| Porcelain Skin, Fashion and Vanity |
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In short, there's nothing much that can be done for a big zit except to wait it out. Nevertheless, it's tough to resist the urge to envy women who seem to have a naturally porcelain skin. (Uh, remember air-brushing, foundation, concealer, and bronzer? Most women don't have perfect complexions.) ... As a teenager, I was terribly self-conscious of my acne and to this day, though my skin is much easier to maintain than it was then, I still find myself longing for a clearer complexion (though truth be told, I would've loved my current complexion if I'd had it at sixteen!). Consider this: Have you ever gone to a social gathering on a zit-day-of-doom? Did you find it hard to make eye contact with people, convinced that everyone was zooming in on that zit and being repulsed by it? It helps to put things in perspective here: Think of the last social-setting you attended and think of the people you talked to. Can you remember if anyone had a zit or a facial blemish of some kind? If you do remember someone with a blemish, did you focus on it at the time and did you think the person was ugly because of it? Chances are you can't remember a single person with any sort of facial blemish. But even if you do remember someone with a zit or two, I doubt you thought they were ugly because of it. So, why should you consider yourself any differently? Even if someone does notice your zit, all they're going to think (if they think anything at all) is that "so and so has a zit" and then they're off to the next random thought. Seriously. No one cares if you have a zit on your forehead. They're too busy worrying about the zit on their forehead. And how about Fashion? For many years, I hated clothes shopping because it seemed without fail, the clothes so stylin' on mannequins looked terrible on me. I'd go home feeling sad and ugly every time, even if I did find a few outfits that fit comfortably and looked nice. Sometimes I'd even torture myself by buying a pair of pants that were too tight because I was sure I could lose enough weight to fit into them soon. I'm sure you can guess the outcome each time: I'd suffer through several months of wearing suffocating jeans (or staring at them folded neatly in a drawer) before finally passing them along to Goodwill with a feeling of regret for having wasted my money, and a sense of failure for not having lost any weight. Clothes alone can make us feel good or bad about our appearance. Allow me to suggest some ways to prune your wardrobe into one more complimentary to your body image:
I have one more suggestion and this isn't only for the frugal-minded. Try shopping for clothes at a large thrift shop, like Value Village or Goodwill, instead of intimidating clothing malls or big-name stores. You won't be bombarded by giant posters of "gorgeous" models or endless mannequins wearing today's latest fashion. It's fun to shift through racks of random shirts, pants and the like until you find something that strikes your fancy. You'll be surprised how much gold you'll find within the dross. And who cares if it's in style or not? If it's a nice color, fits you comfortably, and gives you a cheery feeling, you should buy it. Wear clothes that allow you to feel comfortable in your own skin and ditch the ones that don't. You're the only one who's going to suffer by wearing jeans that are too small. People might wonder why you're walking like a penguin, but they won't care about your pants. So you might as well wear clothes that fit. Speaking of "outward adornment," do you carefully pick out your best clothes, apply your makeup fastidiously and coiff your hair to perfection every morning before heading off to "the office"? Do you check your reflection frequently throughout the day and hope your coworkers consider you physically attractive? For the married women reading this, I must ask, why is it so important to be considered physically attractive by the men you associate with in public? Are you hoping for an affair? Certainly not. More importantly, do you put this much time and care into your appearance in the presence of your husband, or does he always get the flannel pajamas and track pants? This is backward, my friends. Of all the people in the world, the only person you should enjoy dazzling with your looks is your husband - it shouldn't matter if your male co-workers think you're pretty. And for all women, married or single, it's your skills, talents and integrity which matter most in the workplace, not your physical appearance! What's your primary focus?1 Peter 3:3-5 says, "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful." The Apostle Peter wasn't saying here that we must avoid nice hairdos, jewelry and fashionable clothes altogether. He was rather emphasizing the importance of valuing and nurturing our inner beauty instead of obsessing over the asthetics of outward appearance. Consider Colossians 3:12-13, which says, "Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." I am not suggesting that we start going to our workplace wearing jeans and flip-flops, or shapeless, colorless clothing, I'm merely pointing out that some of us have become so preoccupied with our appearance in public that it's become an obsession. And being obsessed with our outward appearance is vanity. Recently, while doing research for my latest novel, I stumbled upon a disturbing picture. I can't remember what my search query was, but I clicked on a random website, scrolled down, and found myself staring at an upclose photograph of a car crash. I will spare you the gruesome details, but suffice it to say, the woman driver (who had obviously perished) happened to be wearing very nice clothes. She had large hoop earrings, strawberry-blond hair long and flowing, and a sleek leather jacket. She had also been driving a sports car. Along with the instant nausea and haunted feeling that lasted several days after, I found myself wondering what this young woman's last thoughts had been.Perhaps it was simply her fashionable appearance that brought on such contemplation, but I wondered: As she drove to or from whatever her destination had been, was she thinking all about her physical appearance, little knowing that her life was about to end and that her looks would no longer matter? How many of us spend huge amounts of time thinking about how we looked today and how we looked yesterday; how we looked last week and even last year; how we might look tomorrow and in the year to come; and what did everyone think of our looks today, what does our husband/boyfriend really think of our looks; and what can we do to improve our looks, etc. etc. etc. If we died suddenly, what are the chances that our minds would be filled with vain, trivial thoughts when it happens? The truth is, no one else really cares what you or I looked like today and they certainly don't care what we looked like last month. They are too busy caring about their own looks. So, why should we devote so much time to meditating on and obsessing over our physical appearance? The next time you find yourself immersed in superficial thoughts, stop, take a deep breath, and focus on something that really matters: like your friends and family, your values, your hobbies and aspirations, and all the things that bring you joy.
NEXT ARTICLE: The Land of the Beautiful People
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(c) 2008 Bekah Ferguson Permissions: By all means, you are welcome to reproduce and distribute my articles in excerpts or complete format as long as you don't change any of the wording. If you do reproduce any part of my articles, please include the following information: by Bekah Ferguson, Ontario, Canada. www.bekahferguson.com Licensed under Creative Commons. |
Whether you have a clear complexion or not, we all know that a single zit has the power to ruin an entire day. One big zit on your forehead, nose or chin and you're miserable. You try to hide it with coverup and powder, and even if this works to some degree, you still check your reflection every hour to make sure the makeup hasn't worn off. And if the zit is big enough, makeup will only hide the redness, not the size.
To start, please remove all shirts, pants, skirts, dresses, etc. that are too small and tight for you, no matter how nice they might be. Likewise, remove any outfits that are miles too big and make you feel "frumpy" to wear. Put these in a box to go to your local thrift shop. Next, remove any items of clothing that are dull or drab in appearance. (Some women look lovely in gray, of course; I simply mean whatever colors are dull to you.) I've found personally that colorful, cheery clothing helps me to feel cheery as well. Only keep clothing that fits your current body type, is comfortable, and that you enjoy wearing. If you have any outfits that "fit" but are uncomfortable, or make you self-conscious about some part of your body, I suggest you pass them along. I recognize that many of you will be hoping to lose weight someday but let's not allow that to dictate our current wardrobe. If you find yourself in a situation of permanent weight loss someday, by all means, purchase new clothing at that time. But never before. Also, if you've gained weight but have held onto clothing that no longer fits, don't torture yourself by keeping those items. The very sight of them will only make you feel sad or guilty on a continual basis.