Hey Dad, Let's Talk 2| The Land of the Beautiful People |
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Even if we do manage to strip away some or all of the extra weight we carry, all these other listed physical "flaws" are still going to remain. ... Why is Hollywood, the land of the beautiful people, so full of broken relationships, divorce and remarriage, depression, anorexia, drug and alcohol addictions, and suicide? It's because being "beautiful" and rich is not enough to make a person emotionally healthy. Some of the most outwardly attractive men and women I've known have also been the most mean, snobby and superficial. They were not people I wanted to befriend. The reality is that you and I will never have perfect figures, and until we can learn to accept ourselves the way we are now, big or thin, we will never be content. There will always be the wishing for a smaller nose or bigger, perkier breasts, less wrinkles and toner muscles. There will always be something standing in the way of contentment. But the thing is, we're all aging, one year at a time. The spider veins on my thighs are not going to go away, they will only become more visible over time, especially considering how much time I spend sitting at a computer writing. The same goes for anything else: As we age, we accumulate more and more wrinkles, parts of our body become looser and saggier, our backs begin to stoop, our hair turns white, and our knuckles gnarl. It's inevitable. And some day, when we've passed from this present earth to meet our Maker in heaven, our physical appearances will be long forgotten by the generations to come. What kind of legacy do you wish to leave behind? We must learn to focus our thoughts and energies on things that hold true value and significance in light of eternity. Our physical bodies are only temporary, fading away, but our souls are eternal. Which should we spend the most amount of time nurturing?
We honestly think that being overweight is the primary reason for hating our bodies. (This belief, by the way, is equally as seductive as "if I could just have this one more thing, then I would be content.") I personally believe that weight gain in itself (medical and disability reasons aside) is only a symptom of a diseased self-image, not the cause. Weight loss is not the illusive, magical cure many of us believe it to be. For the longest time I too believed being overweight was the cause of my poor self-image. But after finally losing fifty pounds, I still didn't like the way I looked and was still unhappy with my figure for many years to come. (I could type out a long list of perceived flaws.) There are still times when I'm surprised to come across photographs of myself from only a couple of years ago and remember having felt "pudgy" at the time the photo was taken. I wasn't even overweight and anyone else looking at those photos might think I was insane for having thought I was. But in my mind, I was still that fifteen-year-old girl who was overweight. Now, there's certainly a period of elation after successful weight loss, no question, but when the dust settles and all the problems and insecurities you had in your life before are still there, the high wears off. The seductive enchantment of "being thin" dissolves into reality; thin people hate their bodies too. Studies show that a high percentage of women (and men) who lose weight through dieting will eventually gain all the weight back, often more. Why is this? If losing weight makes us feel so good about our bodies, why do we allow ourselves to gain the weight back? There's a psychological phenomenon making a growing appearance amongst gastric by-pass patients, a condition known as "addiction transfer," and it offers an important clue. People who have lost huge amounts of weight through this "stomach-stapling" surgery are later becoming addicted to alcohol or other substances, compulsive shopping, gambling, promiscuity, etc. Here's why: Dopamine, a brain chemical classified as a neurotransmitter, is responsible for stimulating the pleasure center of the brain. Drinking alcohol or eating comfort foods boosts the levels of dopamine in your brain making you feel good for a temporary amount of time. When the levels drop back down again, you feel a craving (a sense that something is lacking), and you seek to fulfill that craving. Essentially, you need a boost (a "hit") to feel better emotionally. So you eat a chocolate bar, drink some whiskey or smoke a ciggarette. With gastric bypass patients, however, their ability to overeat is suddenly gone (their stomach is too small), but their need for a boost is still there. They must find something else to fill the void (the craving); and hence the phenomenom of addiction transfers. This indicates that unfulfilled emotional needs is the root cause of addiction. So, while excess weight is sometimes a medical or disability condition, for many of us, a food addiction is manifest. In which case, dieting and losing weight will never be permanent until the underlying causes of the addiction are first addressed. We can not remove our source of comfort (food) without first filling the void with something else. Otherwise, after depriving ourselves for a few months (dieting), we'll eventually give in to the overwhelming cravings for comfort foods in the same way that an alcoholic longs for another drink. No one likes to feel dreary and depressed for long periods of time. (If you've ever tried to quit smoking, for example, you know how miserable and jittery one can get without nicotine.) This is why despite your elation in losing weight, chances are high that you'll gain it all back unless you find a way to manage your addiction. I'm sure you all see the obvious paradox here: Being overweight makes you unhappy, so you overeat to "feel better." When the high wears off and you regret that supersized fries, you overeat again for more comfort. Naturally, we assume that being thin will make us happy; thus no longer needing comfort food. But we don't seem to release how emotionally relient on food we've become. I used to blame my depression on my weight, but now recognize it was depression itself which caused me to become overweight! I was turning to food for comfort whenever I felt sad, anxious, scared, unhappy, insecure, lonely, etc. We aren't born overweight, remember, it takes years and even decades to reach a state of obesity. For me, eating food for comfort, above and beyond legitimate physiological hunger needs, eventually lead to my being overweight, which consequently increased my depression. After I lost the weight, it took many years to learn how to cope with negative emotions without "numbing" them with food. As a Christian, you too can learn to successfully manage a food addiction. That being said, however; you must first get to the root of your emotional needs and crippled self-image, so that you can seek healing. Until we find healing of our hearts and minds, we won't last very long without comfort foods. The answer to permanent weight loss, therefore, is to improve your self-esteem now, while you are overweight, and then work on losing weight. (*If you are overweight for reasons of health or disabilty, rather than food addiction, weight loss may not be a viable option for you. Ask your doctor. Also, if you are struggling with anorexia or bulimia, I urge you to seek help from a trusted friend or loved one, and a qualified professional.) As I have stressed, losing weight is not the magical cure for a poor self-image. Thin women can be (and are) equally as unhappy with their bodies as overweight women. Just look at Hollywood, the land of the beautiful people. They should be the happiest women in the world, but they're not. Think about it: If they're so secure in their body-image, why do they spend thousands of dollars monthly on beauty regiments? In order for us to find healing of our self-image, we must first go beneath the surface and seek restoration of our self-esteem.
NEXT ARTICLE: Healing for a Damaged Self-Esteem
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(c) 2008 Bekah Ferguson Permissions: By all means, you are welcome to reproduce and distribute my articles in excerpts or complete format as long as you don't change any of the wording. If you do reproduce any part of my articles, please include the following information: by Bekah Ferguson, Ontario, Canada. www.bekahferguson.com Licensed under Creative Commons. |
It is impossible, even for the most physically attractive women, to achieve physical perfection. Therefore, for those of us obsessively believing that weight-loss will be a cure-all, we have unknowingly placed a standard of Photoshop perfection upon ourselves that can never be obtained. We are so focused on our physical flaws that we can't see any of our attributes.
I will take the time now to talk more indepthly about weight issues because as I've mentioned, many women believe that if "I could just lose this extra weight, then I'll feel good about my appearance."
