Hey Dad, Let's Talk 2| Learning to Love Ourselves Properly So We Can Love Others |
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Cain's ego was threatened by Abel's righteousness. He was jealous of his brother and this filled his heart with insecurity and thus hatred. Compare Cain's actions to the behavior described in Ephesians 5:28-29 which says, "Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church." If Cain had any love for himself, it was of the conceited and self-centered variety. This is not the kind of self-love that takes care of one's neighbor. On the contrary, seflish self-love always results in the exploitation and disregard of others. Leviticus 19:18 says, "Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself." ... Consider how we treat one another. Do our actions portray a healthy self-love or do they suggest self-centeredness? Many people feel worthless and are filled with self-loathing: they hate themselves. Their misery fosters either selfishness or a complete lack of self-regard; and almost always an "I don't care" attitude. They become more and more self-absorbed in the attempt to find relief from their pain and unhappiness. They seek in vain for the peace and acceptance that only Christ can provide us through His shed blood. These people have a very unhealthy form of self-love - a counterfeit and destructive kind of "love." They do not love their bodies/selves enough to take care of themselves; let alone anyone else. They abuse drugs, alcohol, food, and sex. They cut themselves. Sometimes they physically and verbally abuse others, too. They commit murder or suicide. On the other end of the spectrum, however, are the narcissists who are so puffed up with conceit and selfishness and a sense of entitlement that they don't care who they have to destroy/use to get their own way. They are filled with enormous pride and are always self-seeking. They indeed have a "self-esteem" that is much too high. And like Cain, jealousy can be so hard on their egos that malevolence or violence is the result. Luke 6:45 says, The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks. To find out where you personally stand on the self-love spectrum, here's a good reference point: "What are you doing for others?" Martin Luther King Jr. considered this question to be of utmost importance. He also said, "Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness." In my own life, I've found that one of the best ways to nurture a stable, healthy self-love while purging selfishness and vanity at the same time, is to take care of people in need on a regular basis. The more you love and care for others, the more you'll forget about yourself and your own troubles or selfish desires. There are unlimited ways to be involved in charity. You can sponsor a child, you can donate to humanitarian organizations that provide food, water, shelter, clothes, medical treatment, relief, etc., for people in crisis situations worldwide, you can volunteer at a homeless shelter or soup kitchen, you can visit the elderly in nursing homes, you can prepare meals for those who by disability or illness are unable, you can open your home and family to foster children or a mentally and/or physically-disabled person, you can adopt a child, you can provide free daycare for a single mother, you can donate your time and skills in any number of various church and community programs, or you could even pursue a career in medicine, mental health, physical therapy, social work, politics, etc. Some of you may even feel called to be involved in short-term or long-term ministry/missionary work. This is only a short list of examples, of course. There are endless ways to reach out to people in need using our own God-given talents, abilities, experience, knowledge, and aspirations.
In Romans chapter 12 and 13, we find a detailed outline of how we as Christians, are to go about loving and respecting others: Real Love Is...(Romans 12:9-21) Vs. 9: Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Vs. 10: Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Vs. 11: Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Vs. 12: Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Vs. 13: Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Vs. 14: Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Vs. 15: Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Vs. 16: Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Vs. 17: Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. Vs. 18: If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Vs. 19: Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay,' says the Lord. Vs. 20: On the contrary: 'If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.' Vs. 21: Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. And Romans 13:8-10 says, "Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law. The commandments, 'Do not commit adultery,' 'Do not murder,' 'Do not steal,' 'Do not covet' and whatever other commandment there may be, are summed up in this one rule: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' Love does no harm to its neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law." Remember the words of the Apostle Paul: "After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church." (Ephesians 5:29) We must first and foremost lovingly take care of our own bodies, minds and souls, finding our identity and self-esteem in Christ alone, and then we'll be adequately equipped to love others.
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This is the message you heard from the beginning: We should love one another. Do not be like Cain, who belonged to the evil one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his own actions were evil and his brother's were righteous. (1 John 3:11-12)
Some of the greatest moments of elation in my life have been the times I've been privileged to help someone in need. See, the wonderful thing about helping others, especially in sacrificial ways, is that our focus shifts from being on ourselves, to being on someone else. It's hard to keep wallowing in self-pity (a destructive form of self-love) when we're busy loving our neighbors. You can't be selfish and love your neighbor at the same time. It just doesn't work. And if we abuse ourselves, we'll most certainly abuse others too. If we pride ourselves on our selves, we'll inevitably treat other people as inferior. But if we take care of ourselves (healthy self-love) and continually nourish ourselves with the Word of God and prayer, we'll be able to properly love our neighbors!