Hey Dad, Let's Talk 2| The Unfading Beauty of a Gentle and Quiet Spirit |
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This woman has raised four good sons, has five grandchildren and three great-grandchildren, and has been married to a wonderful, loving man for nearly 60 years now. She has had an exceptionally good life with many blessings and few tragedies. She is well-loved by her family and no one cares in the slightest what she weighs. So, the question is this: why is she continually fretting about her outward appearance at a time in her life when she ought to be able to relax and enjoy a piece of cake? The last time we were together, she wouldn't eat a slice of apple pie. ... 1 Peter 3:3-4 says: Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. Imagine if we all looked exactly alike. How boring would that be? The varying shapes of eyes and eye colors, the shapes and sizes of noses, chins and jaws, cheekbones, straight or arching eyebrows, crow's feet and laughter lines, age spots, etc., are all features that give a person character. So, what aspect of your body do you dislike most? The shape of your legs? Your waist? Your backside? Your nose? Let it go. No one else is obsessing about that part of your body and neither should you. (They're too busy obsessing over some aspect of their own body!) While the media portrays physical beauty as perfection only, the truth is that a person can be beautiful, lovely, attractive, cute, handsome, etc., regardless of any number of physical "flaws" they might have. For all you know, that crooked smile is one of your most endearing physical attributes! Now, comparing ourselves to celebrities and models is one thing, but it's just as easy to compare ourselves to friends, relatives and co-workers. Even a day relaxing at the beach can be downright depressing if a group of pretty girls happen to waltz by with little bikinis and "perfect" figures. The same can be said of a trip to the mall: all it takes is one sleek female brushing by you in the clothing aisle to make you toss your armful of clothes back onto the rack in despair. When you're unhappy with your body, it's easy to find someone who looks better than you. It's also easy to find someone who looks worse than you, too. And though it may be a guilty pleasure to spot a woman who weighs more than you do, it doesn't really help you feel any better, does it. As the founder of "The WeighDown Diet," Gwen Shamblin, points out (and I've paraphrased), "A woman who is five pounds overweight is just as unhappy with her body as a woman who is fifty pounds overweight." So, it doesn't matter how many people we see who look "worse" than us; all it takes is seeing one person who looks better to sink our spirits for the rest of the day. Sometimes we see women in public who are overweight or have some physical aspect that we find unappealing and we think petty thoughts like, "Boy, I'm glad I don't weigh as much as she does" or "I'm glad I don't have legs like hers." But here's the thing: we do not know these women personally. We do not know if they are loving and gentle, sweet and kind, talented, smart, witty, generous, ambitious. We know absolutely nothing about them other than their physical appearance and perhaps their occupation. As such, it is easy to believe that in the same way we find certain physical features unattractive in strangers, other people are finding those same features unattractive in us. So, let's take a moment to analyze this: Think about the women in your own circle of close friends and family who happen to be overweight. Do you think they are unattractive and unlovable because of that? Not at all. Next, think of the women you know and love who are slim but have cellulite or spider veins or lots of wrinkles. Do you think they are thus unattractive and unlovable? Of course not. These are women we love and respect and care for deeply. It doesn't matter what they look like physically; we love them just the way they are. And because we know them, we also know their hearts and dreams and personalities. We enjoy their company and they enrich our lives. It's who they are inside that makes them so lovely to us! See, that's the difference between a stranger and a friend. Now let me ask you this: Why do you believe that you are "unattractive" or "unlovable" simply because of being overweight or having cellulite or acne or a big nose or hair that is too curly or too straight, a disability, etc? What makes you any different from all the imperfect women you know and love? Do these woman care that you are overweight? (I'm guessing you don't care what they weigh!); and do they think you are ugly because you have a big nose? Not a chance. In the same way that you love and accept them, as is, they also love and accept you. See, the wonderful thing about inner beauty is that it also transforms a person's outward appearance once you get to know them. In the same way, a lack of inner beauty can severely marr even the most physically-appealing face. As the old saying goes, "Beauty is skin deep but ugliness goes straight to the bone." It's time to start treating ourselves with the same respect and consideration we so generously give to others. Chances are, the most wonderful and beloved women in your life are not anywhere near model-material. They are normal women with normal bodies; big or small, short or tall. If we were to change these women into glorified caricatures, we would likely have to remove everything about them that makes them unique and interesting. We wouldn't recognize them anymore. Anyone who has lost a loved one has felt that terrible pain of knowing they will never again see the face of the one they cherished as long as we remain on this earth. We love the faces of those precious to us; we hold their image dear in our hearts. And if we lose someone we love, we long to see their face just one more time. Consider this: In the same way Jesus Christ is the image of the invisible God, our faces, our "eyes," are the windows to our souls. You may not have the face of a supermodel, but your eyes, your smile, your face is precious to those who love you. How can you continue to hate the face that is so treasured by those who love you? Isaiah 53:2 says of Jesus, "He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him." Yet how we adore him! God, our creator, could have been the most physically attractive man ever to have existed (he was, after all, perfect and without sin). But when it came to his physical body, he chose to be ordinary. I ask you this: Who is more lovely than Christ? You don't have to be physically attractive to be beautiful to those who have come to know you.
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(c) 2008 Bekah Ferguson Permissions: By all means, you are welcome to reproduce and distribute my articles in excerpts or complete format as long as you don't change any of the wording. If you do reproduce any part of my articles, please include the following information: by Bekah Ferguson, Ontario, Canada. www.bekahferguson.com Licensed under Creative Commons.
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I know a dear woman, 82 years old, who relies on a walker to get around. She is still trying to lose weight and spends a lot of time thinking about her weight and worrying about it and talking about it. Firstly, she is somewhat overweight; but no more than the average Canadian. Secondly, her reason for wanting to lose weight is not for health reasons; she is merely unhappy with her physical appearance.